36 Questions

To plan for death

The New York Times lists 36 Questions you can ask someone if you want to fall in love. This site extends the concept but focuses on two topics we don't talk about enough — death & grief. Take a deep breath, sit down with someone you love, and let’s get started.

Quick instructions: read one question aloud to your partner, then both of you answer. Swap roles for the next question. Answering all 36 Questions should take around one hour.

First, let's double check — can we talk about death?
How much have you thought about your own death?
What was the first death that impacted you?
Are you afraid of death? If so, what are you most afraid of?
Do you hold any superstitions about death?
What would make you more comfortable with dying?
How do you want us to remember you?
What should we say is your legacy?
Is there something you'd want us to do after you've died to honor you?
If this were our last conversation, how would you want us to feel? What would you want to say?
If you died unexpectedly, who or what would you worry about leaving behind? How can I help reduce that worry?
Imagine it's your end-of-life service. Who makes a speech? What aspects of your life do they talk about?
If you were sick, at what point would you prefer comfort over survival?
What should we do if you're unconscious and on life support?
After you die, do you want to donate your organs? What about donating your body to science?
Between burial, cremation, or a green burial, which would you prefer? (Green burial example: biodegradable coffins without embalming)
Is religion important to you at death?
Are cultural traditions important to you at death?
How environmentally friendly do you want your service to be? (Examples: biodegradable coffins or cremation, depending on location)
Where do you want to be buried? Or where do you want us to put your ashes?
Do you care about what the service looks and feels like? (e.g. flowers, colors, songs) If so, what should we do?
Do you want us to accept gifts? Do you want people to donate to charity in your name?
Imagine you can make anything happen at your service. Do you have any special requests?
Do you have a Will or Estate? If not, where should your assets go?
Do you have any treasured physical possessions you'd like us to keep?
If you have life insurance, what would you want us to do with that money?
Is there someone or some place that has all your account numbers, usernames, and passwords?
What should we do with all your digital & social media accounts?
Do you have an intuition about how you're going to die?
What do you think happens after we die?
Is there anything you want to do before you die?
If you could choose any location, where would you want to die? Why?
After thinking about death so much, is there anything else you think we should know?
Place yourself in the context of all of humanity. What do you hope mankind accomplishes? What impact should we have on the world?
What if you knew humans would be extinct in 100 years — what would you do differently?
What if you knew you would die in the next couple years — what would you do differently?

Congratulations, you've answered all the questions — thank you for testing them!

We'd love feedback on the prompts, things we may have missed, and any other comments & suggestions: feedback@canwetalkaboutdeath.com

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